Well isn't this interesting? I have the funds to register for this years' ride and yet I haven't clicked on the site to finalize that next step. I have a bike, support from my family, and the funds to register but just as I was about to I wavered. I'm not sure why. Actually I did more than waver, I quivered. I'm not even planning on doing the whole ride this time as I can't commit that amount of time but even the thought of being away for any length of time has my anxiety level ratcheting up. Yikes...this has gotten out of hand. I want to do this but apparently my inner self is having second thoughts. Or maybe that's not it at all - it's just my bio-chemistry running amok. It seems to be doing that lately - like the last 2 or 3 weeks. It doesn't seem to have any concrete basis in anything but my thoughts have been circling and there is the internal quivering that occurs when the anxiety kicks in. I'm pretty sure it isn't about the ride itself...I did the 2008 ride and this time I know what to expect - which may be the issue - I know what pushing myself to that degree is going to feel like but I don't think this is the real basis for what's been going on. It's just so random and been kicking in over who know's what...
I have shortened the length of my being away precisely because I want to be here on the farm and there are many things to attend to. However, I really would like to do the ride having some experience under my belt. I'm also not sure if I have the energy to do the fundraising that I need to do. I mean I know I can...but it does take a concerted effort. A lot of people sound like they have already made some good progress....me and getting a jump on things don't tend to partner well.
Well - time to get to work on the house....things to do - the cycle keeps turning.
Monday, January 28, 2013
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