Very quick summary.  On Monday - August 19, 2013 - Dawn G & her kids brought me up to Ausable Chasm - (about 3 miles south of Plattsburgh).  We had a very nice drive, stopped for dinner at a little family hamburger shack and then got to the campsite about 6:30 p.m.  I was somewhat nervous/excited but settled down at Pelaton & small group.  Tuesday - I woke up after a somewhat restless night (hard ground doesn't help) and got myself and gear together, had breakfast and then realized that the key to the lock keeping my bicycle attached to a small metal rail was missing. And missing. And missing.  I looked but could not find the little devil so had to get someone to free the bike.  Yes, FREE the bike.  Clip, clip - one of the support staff - John - who drives the gear truck had a bolt cutter and there went Dave's antique chain.  "Good" start to a very long day of all uphill riding.  I made it to Whitehall with some assistance from Sherry - the Sweep person.  Thank goodness Sherry doesn't mind the slow drive.  Got to camp about 5 after a number of attempts to make it up those lovely inclines.  Took a shower in one of the two available at the Whitehall Marina.  Had dinner and went to sleep about 8:30, 9:00 - no small group gathering as it had been such a long hot hard day. 
Wednesday - that would be today - I awoke at 5 - started to get ready to go but crawled back under the cover for a few extra minutes of shut-eye. I say that because it wasn't sleep.  Got up - had breakfast - headed out to Route 4 south toward East Greenbush - some 80 or so miles down the line and did fairly well until around 2 p.m. when I got a flat.  Had to walk after leaving a message w/Al to have someone pick me up.  And Sherry showed up just about the time I really started having second, and third and fifth thoughts about what I was doing.  We got to the Y about 3:30- 4 and it was nice to get my tent set up and get some of the damp clothes from yesterday drying in the sun.  I wanted to go shower and get dry since I was drenched from the sweat of being out in 90 degree weather but waited for my friend and rescuer - Mark - to get my tire changed.  Another Angel of Mercy who is blessed with patience and grace.  Tube replaced, shower bag in hand I got my shower, finishing in time to get on the line for dinner - and of course it was the end of the line because that seems to be my place on these rides.  Just call me Caboose.  After dinner - went to try to get online - and thanks to Larry - figured out how to get the WIFI switch on.  YAY.  Just in time for our Pelaton (group gathering) and small group meeting.  Dear friend Marey showed up just then so we quickly greeted one another, I met her husband and then she went to see their son and we had our meeting.  Interesting discussion. Would like to recount now but just want to get back to the tent and go to sleep.  My body is saying - ENOUGH ALREADY... I did get a chance to come back, catch up on FB and jot down these quick notes so that I can at least remember what has happened in the last 48 hours.  You'd be surprised how much gets forgotten in the quest to get from Point A to Point B within a decent amount of time - which for me is hit or miss.  But thanks to the Angels, I have made it so far.  Good night and God bless.

A Note to the 2013 Riders - Today's gathering at Vanguard...First Day Together

(This is my note to the C2C cyclists as they gather at the point
   of origin in L.A. in preparation for the start of 2013 C2C ride).

Good evening Cyclists: 
It's 6:15 here on the east coast so at this point you are all probably arriving at Vanguard,

or getting settled in, checking to be sure your bike & gear is all in one piece and nothing

that you need has disappeared into the blue.

I suspect that even if you have ridden before, you are probably experiencing the excitement/nerves
that accompany all major endeavors.  For those who haven't ridden, I still maintain that nothing anyone tells you will fully inform you as to what you are about to participate in....

I see that the tire dipping will take place tomorrow and the actual start of the ride will start Monday.
Had I been riding from Cali - I would probably have appreciated the fact these two events are being

separated by a day's time.  The tire dipping has it's own sacred flavor....joining with your fellow sojourners to mark the start of this endeavor should be given time to soak it in...so to speak.

After the tire dipping in '08 we took off immediately for the road with barely time to say hi to those who came and saw us off.  New friends, the Foster Family - came to bid me adieu and I was soooo grateful that they took the time to see me off.  With family and friends here in the east, I thought I would be the only one marking my participating in the momentous event.  Jessica, Rob, Mikey and Kev opened their home to me so that I could arrive in Seattle  a full week before the start of the tour so I could adjust to the time change, get myself ready and just have time to get organized (a task I'm still working on..lol) before we left.  This was one of the unexpected side benefits of joining with the greater community to do God's work.

At any rate, before I was 1/2 mile down the road from our starting place, my bike started doing weird things.  It wouldn't move forward.  With barely 5 minutes into the ride I was already in trouble and seriously wondering what I had gotten myself into.  Thanks to the support and guidance of far more experienced riders I made it through the first day, the second, the tenth, and so on.  I did take a two week break between Colorado and Michigan flying home, resting up,   celebrating our 10th anniversary and getting my groove back in order to complete the ride.  In light of that I want to encourage you to TRUST your instincts as to timing, biking, and riding so that you can do what you set out to do.  At the same time, part of life is reaching beyond our grasp - which is something you've already done by signing up and doing all it took to make it to this point. 

After dinner on that first night we were welcomed by Claire and others and then got to eat some delicious cake - always welcome
at times of celebration.  Trust me - don't pass it up; you will work the calories off in no time.
As Jerry noted, as this day got closer he wished he could be with you from the start of the journey.  I too am finding I wish the same thing but it wasn't meant to be at this time.  However, I will be ready to ride as you all get to Montreal so until then my prayers go with you as you are in the hearts and minds of so many. 

May the Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Love of God and the Fellowship and Communion of the Holy Spirit
be and abide with you from this day forward.

Joanna Tipple

Communication/Invitation

Good Friday Morning:  Along with sermon prep for Sunday, I've been making sure my C2C page is updated with relevant and inviting material.  I am hoping that after the 3 inital responses to my donation request, things will continue to move along.  Yes, I could have started this months ago.  But I wasn't sure I could make the commitment and discovered that it is probably better I don't try to ride the whole way.  At the same time, I want to have the experience of doing as much of the ride as possible since this time I have an idea of what's involved and I think it would make a difference in how I experience it this time around.  However, the same holds true now as for last time, no matter how much I do or do not ride, the contributions are the important thing - the money which will go towards helping eradicate poverty.  It may seem like a big task but the other piece of the ride is raising awareness and perhaps engendering a turn around in the deep cynicism that has overtaken us as a people.  I firmly believe (not that this make it so) that there are absolutely enough resources in the world for everyone to have enough water to drink, food to eat and a place to live.  However, we also have to stop polluting our resources as well. We have to be willing to rethink how we live and encourage others to do the same.  Hey - I know it's not easy...I'm still working on how to do with less, less driving mainly. And through education and discussion, we want to encourage others to rethink these things with out coming off like a bunch of scolds. The level of conflict and anxiety get rateched right up when trying to address the problem which is a terrible waste of energy - and far to draining to allow any real solution to be thought of never mind worked out. 

But here is one creative way to address the issue - which isn't really one issue but a series of complex, interwoven matters that together end up with us trying to overcome POVERTY.  Very overwhelming when thought of at that level - in the big picture mode - but no reason to try and fix the whole thing at once....a little at a time, in different places, with different people going about it; this can be ended. 

Registering for 2013

Well isn't this interesting?  I have the funds to register for this years' ride and yet I haven't clicked on the site to finalize that next step.  I have a bike, support from my family, and the funds to register but just as I was about to I wavered.  I'm not sure why.  Actually I did more than waver, I quivered.  I'm not even planning on doing the whole ride this time as I can't commit that amount of time but even the thought of being away for any length of time has my anxiety level ratcheting up.  Yikes...this has gotten out of hand.  I want to do this but apparently my inner self is having second thoughts.  Or maybe that's not it at all - it's just my bio-chemistry running amok. It seems to be doing that lately - like the last 2 or 3 weeks.  It doesn't seem to have any concrete basis in anything but my thoughts have been circling and there is the internal quivering that occurs when the anxiety kicks in.  I'm pretty sure it isn't about the ride itself...I did the 2008 ride and this time I know what to expect - which may be the issue - I know what pushing myself to that degree is going to feel like but I don't think this is the real basis for what's been going on.  It's just so random and been kicking in over who know's what...
I have shortened the length of my being away precisely because I want to be here on the farm and there are many things to attend to.  However, I really would like to do the ride having some experience under my belt. I'm also not sure if I have the energy to do the fundraising that I need to do.  I mean I know I can...but it does take a concerted effort. A lot of people sound like they have already made some good progress....me and getting a jump on things don't tend to partner well.
Well - time to get to work on the house....things to do - the cycle keeps turning.

Inclines: Part 2

I rode all the way on my bike today.   NO getting off.  Ok - well I did get off the 2 times my water bottle dropped out of my bike shirt so I did have to get it.  (Don't have the water bottle or holder yet).  And then I stopped 1 time to get a fresh peach from a local farmstand.  I could have gotten more at the 3 other stands I passed on my route.  It was a great day to ride.  I'm not sure how far I went but it was in the 15 mile zone.  The best part for me today was that the 2 places I had to walk on Monday I didn't have to today.  Now, it could be because it was cooler, I took a different route or it was earlier in the day but regardless, I was able to ride up those babies and not fall over and not get out of the saddle.  (Although I wouldn't mind a different saddle...I like the big comfy ones...)  It took about an hour and a half.

The only negative to today's ride was something that sadly occurs on most rides.  The litter which is EVERYWHERE.  WHY do people feel it's ok to throw their debris out of their cars as they go on?  I mean - really?!!? You can't wait until you get to the next gas station or HOME to throw out your junk?  It is a thorn in my side.  Not that I agonize over this...other things yes, not this.  But 2 weeks ago I saw a little boy litter - right in front of his dad as they walked out of the dollar store and his dad didn't say word one to him.  I had T pick it up to throw out when she went to work.  I thought that perhaps dad would get the hint since it was pretty obvious that she was picking up the kid's mess.  Well, apparently it didn't phase him at all since I saw little boy drop the rest of the toy packaging in the parking lot as they walked to their car.  Now, I don't usually do things like this - at least not with strangers but I stopped my car, walked over to their car and knocked on the window.  I wasn't loud or violent - I just knocked on the window and said to dad, "your little boy dropped this" and pointed to the litter.  He opened the window and the little boy held out his hand.  I said "sorry hon, it isn't ok to litter" and then got back in my car.  I know it was risky, and it wasn't my intention to scare the kid but I get so fed up with people who litter as if the world was there own personal trash receptacle.  I think I may have written about this during C2C 2008 as I'm sure I saw quite a bit of litter but it still doesn't cease to amaze me.  Dad always said leave a place better than you find it...cleaner, more orderly, whatever was needed. This was reinforced at Camp Matollionequay where I spent 8 summers of my life and then the major reinforcement experience was via my drill sargeant at the Monmouth County Police Academy in Howell NJ.  We are all charged with the care and keeping of our world and if you see something out of place or that doesn't belong it behooves us (I love that word) to pick it up and throw it out. I always tell the kids that if they pick something up from off of the ground then they are responsible for it.  I don't push it when it comes to just seeing things otherwise all we would be doing is picking up litter but if you touch it, it's yours.

Well, it was a good ride and with another 15 miles under my belt, I'm on the way to making the goal of 1000 miles done before the trip next year.   A few miles at a time, I'll get there.  A few pieces of litter picked up and thrown away - it's that much better than it was 2 seconds before.

Inclines

I heard from someone recently about how he has a hard time getting up inclines.  Any grade of incline.  Doesn't matter if it's just a slight rise in the road...it becomes the Rockies.  I soooo identified.  That's what it's like for me when I ride.  I can ride for miles and miles, I can ride for miles and miles...oops - wrong song.... but I can ride for miles on flat, level terrain.  Put an anthill in the mix and forget it....I'm as winded as an old organ bellows gasping its last breath.  But tonight I rode up quite the steep grade on Gahbauer Road.  Gahbauer parallels our road but as you head onto it from Rt 217 you have reason to believe your bike will just keel over in an expression of sympathy with its rider.  That would be me.  Yet after an initial hesitation - I did have to unclip my pedal so I didn't in fact fall over sideways - I got back on and headed up what feels like the side of previously aforementioned Rocky Mountain.  And then I went on to find another really steep - going up into the air kind of feeling - not too far from the first one.  And I almost made it up.  It's been a while since I've done any up and up riding.  The kind that's like ALL UP  - on either side of the peak - so I have to say I was very happy with my attempt tonight.  I may have only gone about 3 or 4 miles but I really saw how much more improved I am at this point than I was even after riding the tour last time.

Well, as they say - "ain't no mountain high enough" to keep me, well in this case, to keep me from finishing what I have set out to do.  And that is to make a difference.  There will always be inclines  - obstacles and challenges put the point is to do the best one can and to make a difference, regardless of how one gets through the mountain to the other side.  And that's exactly the point.  The point is to get to the other side whether through, or around or over the top.  Who cares, as long as we don't stop....

2 outdoor days in a row - & 13+ miles today

Hot today...it was hot today.  I know, it's summer, it's supposed to be hot.  But there's hot, then there is h-o-t...and then there is biking around the county when it's h-o-t. I am happy to have been out there.  I even got a few more miles in than yesterday - although I have to figure out how many.  I probably should get an odometer so I can keep track.  I doubt I will be getting a blackberry, android or iphone any time soon so won't have the ability to get those cool apps that keep track of distance.  But, I did put in well over 13 miles, which is what I did yesterday.  Since I've ridden 2 straight days outside, I think I can really say now that official training for next year has begun.

Training - One O One - Don't FALL DOWN.

It's been a busy week nor did the weekend provide any real opportunity for slowing down.  There was a lot of work to be done on the farm and with Justin here (our 30 yr old) we are really beginning to make progress with all the projects.  However, he took a week to visit his sister in WA state...That did provide some relief as he doesn't believe in letting time get away without getting something accomplished.  He's more like the bikers (2008 ride) who got up, got on their bikes and got going as early in the morning as they possibly could and they didn't really slow down until reaching the next camp site.  Well, they did take breaks here and there at the occasional coffee shop or other colorful local eating establishment.  But then, after their moment of indulgences, they got back in the saddle and kept pushing those pedals until they reached our daily destination.  Well, he did the same thing so to speak - weeding, mucking and all those things that need to get done on the farm.  We even got a couple of workouts in as well.  I guess it was all good, because tonight after a full weekend of working and socializing I decided I needed to get a ride in as well. (Want to get my training miles in and also needed to work off the candy binge I indulged in thanks to a candy bar at yesterday's wedding).  It was almost 8 p.m when I set off - but still pretty light. Darn if 30 seconds into the ride I was down on the ground - in pain from landing on my wrist and jamming my elbow.  Dave walked out of the house just in time to see my "fall from grace" and he came right over to check things out.  So of course the first thing he asked was, "Does it hurt?"  Good thing I was crying somewhat or else my response would have been less than gracious.  But after a few tears and some tentative moving of my  wrist, I got up and hopped on the bike - putting in about 13 miles round trip.  I do have to be careful as about 3 miles into the ride, my right hand tingled and then got numb.  I know it's not from the fall as I've had this problem for several years now and I'm pretty sure the last bike trip didn't help.   Between the carpal tunnel and tendonitis, my right arm is a bit vulnerable so I hope I can figure something out by next year.  I got back just after dark and after putting the loose chickens back into their cage and closing the hen house up - my next step was to get into that shower and get the cold water running.  Well, it's time to finish up for the day...things are looking good as far as training.  Thank you B for my bike.  It makes a world of difference.

It's HOT today.  It's been HOT for several days.  A tree down the road has lost a good bunch of leaves.  They are piled up under the tree - crunchy and an far too early reminder that fall is not too far away.  And after fall, winter, then spring, the JUNE...time for riding C2C.  And all I can think about is the fact that it will be just as hot next year on the ride and I can all to clearly remember the heat from 2008.  Everyone had to experience it and it seems like some can just slough it off - but I HATE the heat.  Which is so ironic considering for a good portion of my life - I would happily lay outside in the sun - from 8 a.m. until 5 p.m. going for the tanned leatherhide look.  (Ok, I didn't want to look like the Tanning Bed Mom but I definitely liked the tan rather than the pasty look).  And still love going to the beach.  But I was happy to have missed the 2 week period of riding through Kansas & Nebraska last time around as I heard the days hit 100 degrees with headwinds all the way. And prior to that, I would hide in the sliver of shade that a road side sign would create in order to convince myself that I could get cool.  The sight of me scrunching up under the sage bush also probably was somewhat amusing  - anything to get out of the blazing hot sun.  So now, as I try to fulfill my commitment to really getting ready for this ride, I am wrestling with the reality of the discomfort I will be facing both in practice and on the ride.  Lord - help me to push past the misery of sweat running down every inch of skin, into eyes and crevices as I prepare and then live through the actual ride.  Just sayin'  Thanks.

2013 C2C - Here I Come

I'm glad I named this blog Sea To Sea.  There have been several although I only participated in the 2008 ride - from Seattle to Jersey City.   There was a previous ride through Canada in 2006 and several shorter rides after 2008.  But a new one is underway and it is my hope/plan to participate.  This time I have the right bike.  Thanks to a dear friend, I now own that most important piece of equipment.  As I learned previously  - having the right piece of equipment can make all the difference in the world in accomplishing one's goals and efforts.  It can be done with other options but that can add extra work and in an effort like this who needs that?  Well, I don't.  Maybe others do but I know my possibilities and I know my limitations.  I know people don't like to acknowledge that reality but it's best if I do...otherwise life becomes an effort in futility.  We CANNOT all do everything...or even lots of things.  For some, it's just better to concentrate on a limited number of possibilities so that what we do attempt we can do well...or complete...or just even attempt.  This does not mean failure.  It means being real....it means knowing oneself well and accepting that one is who one is.  And it is in fact ok.

Waiting for the Gift

Today my copy of "Jesus Wept: When Faith & Depression Meet" arrived. I ordered it after reading my sister-in-law's copy. Barbara Crafton wrote/writes so eloquently about having the condition of depression and being a person of faith - in her case an Episcopal priest, in my case, a clergy woman w/out a congregation but a deep awareness of God having something in mind for my life.

I've always searched for my purpose, my meaning for being. It's been embedded in me since, well, before birth. I have ached to know what I was meant to do, who I was meant to be for as long as I can remember. My whole life entailed/s this search. I think I've found my essence but it's not something concrete. And today, I was "told" via the words of another that this isn't a goal I can attain, but a gift to be recieved.

Wow, that turns things around. In the back of Barbara's book, several pages of other books of interest are listed.
Parker J. Palmer has written a couple of books re: life/spiritual journey etc. and this one,
Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation
speaks directly to me. Here is what the write-up on the book says: and I quote

Let Your Life Speak is an insightful & moving mediation on finding one's true calling. The book's title is a time-honored Quaker admonition, usually taken to mean "Let the hightest truths and values guide everything you do." But Palmer reinterprets those words, drawing on his own earch for selfhood. "Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it," he writes, "listen for what it intends to do with you. Before you tell your life what truths and values you have decided to live up to, let your life tell you what truths you embody, what values you represent." Sharing sotries of frailty and strength, of darkness and light, Palmer will show you that vocation is NOT (my caps) A GOAL TO BE ACHIEVED BUT A GIFT TO BE RECEIVED.

What an insight and for me an epiphany. I have sought to gain, achieve, find for so long that I may have missed the directions I was supposed to take and went off on detours that while not a waste may have prolonged this journey somewhat. Or not.

Anyway - as I took my walk this morning w/Caleb & tried to be attentive, the parable that speaks to my Enneagram # (4) came to mind. This is from Matthew - "Do not worry..." And I try not to worry but of course you can't try not to worry. It's as Yoda said, "Try, there is no try. Do or do not." Funny, my drill sargent would say the same thing. But worry is there - worry about not paying bills, not being in a position to deal w/the unexpected, etc. Sure, we have a roof over our heads and eat but the drain of living paycheck to paycheck is, well, it's draining.
So, without wanting to recite that litany again, I am seeking the answer that I presume is within that parable. I don't envy others in the sense that I don't want them to have what they are meant to have but I would like to have the money to pay for hot water, for home repairs, for other things.
So, the parable came to mind as I walked around. And I heard Jesus/God?? say that it would all work out and the vision that was laid upon my heart will come to pass. Even if I don't know at the moment how to make that happen. But maybe I don't need to. It's just that the message that we have to take the bull by the horns to make things happen seems to be very ingrained in me. How does one discover when to "act" and when to "wait?" Even if it is "active waiting" does that mean do NOTHING? Or SOMETHING? Pray...be open...listen...aackk.

Essence of Nostalgia

Sunday, August 30, 2009
I am sitting in our car, in the Fairview Plaza Parking Lot, Hudson, NY.
My husband is making a deposit in a local bank. It's about 8:45 p.m.
If I close my eyes, I can not only see but smell the scenes of my youth
as clearly as if they were just outside the car.
It's not too difficult as all my senses go on a journey into the past.
Two doors down from the bank is a small Chinese restaurant storefront.

The aroma is not overpowering but the smell of heated oil, being
pumped out of the vents makes it seem as if I am back in Matawan, NJ,
heading into the Strathmore Bowling Alley for ballet class.
I can't actually remember if there was a Chinese restaurant in that
particular strip mall, but the snack bar could also catch your attention with
the scent of frying french fries emanating out of the kitchen.
Across town, by the railroad station there also
was a Chinese restaurant but it started out serving either Italian or American cuisine. Dutchies was the name. Now it's Sultan's Wok...I think. There has been one or two other incarnations.

And there was a Chinese restaurant in the "other" shopping center, where Grand Union
was built as a local competitor to the original Matawan Shop-Rite. My parents
were happy when the Lloyd Road Shop-Rite went up since it meant they didn't have
to drive over to Rt 36 any longer to do their weekly grocery shopping. Later on I'd
walk to the store to "get some exercise." It was about a mile up the road. Hudson Plaza also has a Shop-Rite. It looks almost exactly like the original Matawan store before it became "ginormous", selling literally everything from soup to nuts. And God knows what else. If you go in these days, make sure you are well hydrated, have a full stomache and plenty of time to do your shopping. People don't shop anymore, they go on excursions. And if I close my eyes, I could be standing in SR, located on Lloyd Rd., Matawan or Aberdeen. Whatever you want to call the place. It's a combination of the bakery, coffee, and well, Matawan.

If you drive down Fairview Ave., (here in NY) about a 1/2 mile, there is another Chinese restaurant, more of an eat-in establishment, with a bar. Eating there always induces memories of going to the place by Grand Union. They served really good food there,but I think they're gone, succumbed to the end of the originals era.
The Matawan Card & Gift Store, The Cheese & Chocolate Shop, The jewelers, Drug Fair, all long gone.

Next to the Hudson restauarant sits a movie-plex. Cineplex. Whatever. There are 2 locations in the area showing movies. But again, if I close my eyes, I find
myself walking across the Strathmore Shopping parking lot headed toward the Strathmore Twin Cinema and I'm about to see American Grafitti. Or the Apprenticship of Duddy Kravitz. Now that was an interesting movie. My friend and I went to see it because Richard Dreyfuss was the "star." A fairly young Richard Dreyfuss. And we were in completely over our heads. We thought we'd be seeing American Grafitti - The College Years but it wasn't to be. So naive.

Thanks to the impact AG had on me, coming at about the same time I discovered do-wop, I became a hard core fan of early rock & roll. My neighbor, a guy who was a classic car afficionado before he was 14 would work on his muscle cars day & night. He had older brothers so perhaps that influenced his taste in music but I can hear WCBS-FM 101.1 as clearly as if it were on the radio at this moment. That was the station he would listen to as he washed and polished his cars until you could see yourself in them. Cliche but that's what he did. He cleaned with the doors and windows open and the harmonies drifted right over the lawn to catch my ear. I began listening to Cousin Bruce and Don K. Reed when I was 13, 14. This of course was after Cousin Brucie & Harry Harrison left WABC due to format change. But I don't have to rely on my daydreams to bring me back to those moments of listening to Ben E. King, the Drifters, Frankie Lymon, or the other street corner harmonizers. Now a days I can tune the car radio to 100.9 out of Albany. Thanks to their Sunday night broadcasts, I can hear the original rockers...and real Golden Oldies. When WCBS went off the air, then came back on but only playing memory music from the 70's on, that was a jolt. I have no problem with change but no do-wop, anywhere? Of course, having moved to upstate NY, I could only hear WCBS when I went back to Jersey to visit family & friends. I know I could access them on the internet but it's not the same.

So, tonight, I time traveled back to age 11, 15 & 17. I walked through
the parking lot and up and back along Route 34 stopping at Dunkin' Donuts/Burger King, the movies, Hess Gas Station. Ben E. King sang, "You Know That You Lied/Don't Play That Song." There's a diner too along this particular route but no jukeboxes. No opportunity to drop a coin in to listen to favorite tunes. Yes, there are Ipods, MP3 players and all manner of other music devices. But no sharing the music. I remember when Paul insisted we listen to the closing riff of "Layla." I still listen for it.

But, yeah, I know, I know, I know, stop the whining. Hey, I'm reminiscing here. I'm not saying I want to go back to those days...yeah, not at all. But it's funny how the threads of those times seem to be as fully present in the tapestry that's being woven today. The anachronism at this moment is being able to do our banking at 9 p.m. on a Sunday night, in a storefront, in a strip mall along the local 2 way highway that used to be the site of the local farms that sustained the town (they call it city) of Hudson. Farms - a stream - dirt roads. No black-top, no eating establishments, no entertainment centers or grocery stores.
Hmm, I wonder what the farmer's wife, sitting in the wagon would see. hear and smell in her memory banks as she waited for him to make his deal with his neighbor?

Story Telling?

So, I suppose there is a story in the fact that I did not make it to my story telling workshop tonight, up in Clifton Park. Or not. I left home about 5:15 and headed to the Northway. Everything was fine until I realized I was not sure what exit to take. But I did remember I had been on Route 9 last session and I thought I remembered the address so I took what seemed like the correct exit. Only it wasn't. But it did bring me to Route 9 which I turned onto, heading north. Drove about 5 miles and couldn't find the bookstore. Turned around and headed south back to what I thought was the correct address. But it wasn't. By then I had to accept that I had no idea where I needed to go and after several misguided attempts, made it back to the Northway. Heading south. While crying. Alot. Hard. One of the things that I have always been able to do well is find my way around, even if I have been someplace only once. My sense of direction has always served me well. Ok, not always but 99% of the time. But tonight that gift failed me. It's happened before. It isn't the worst of experiences. But I didn't want to miss the workshop. And I couldn't remember the name of the bookstore. So, I had nothing to work with. Is it a prelude to future problems? The book I'm reading, "Carved in Sand" suggests that early onset Alzheimers or other forms of dimentia have been missed in the pass. And the book about the neurologist who documented her recovery from a stroke suggests that typical tests for these things don't take into account the original starting point for the patient. A high functioning person who losese their typical abilities should not be evaluated as if everything were normal. For that person, it's not. Not that this is a matter of higher functioning but my typical level of operating is one thing. Tonight's events make me wonder if there is something to be concerned about. Or am I just doing drama? I've forgotten plenty of things in the past. There are so many reasons why we forget things: stress, distractions, organic breakdowns, and others but this rattles me. I wanted to go. I know I couldn't have been too far from the store but just couldn't get a sense of what direction I needed to head in.
And it upset me. I was disappointed. I felt lost. And maybe that's what triggered the angst. I don't like feeling lost, without an anchor, without a set point. And so then I cried out to God, "what do you want from me? What am I supposed to learn? What's this test about? Is it or am I exaggerating? I don't want to exaggerate the depth of the experience. I don't want to work out of my temperment, hardwiring distortion. Enneagram 4 - that's me. But God, you made me this way and now I'm not supposed to be who I am? I feel what I feel, but it's too much? Too much angst...too much despair. And what did Melissa (spiritual director) warn me about yesterday? She mentioned, Merton was it? The womb is the wound? Sounds backwards. But the wound is still there obviously. And then I felt like I wanted my mom. Either one. Not sure that "Ruby" could handle this - but hers was the womb I came from. And then I heard Mom ask, "what do you want me to do Josie? What do you need? And that's the thing. I have no idea. Even if Mom were here, which I desperately want, what could she do? She can't fix my life, fix me, fix the situation...I just want her back. Five years later and it's like it's last week. I hated when she was like this about her dad. I never said anything to her but couldn't understand why 25 years later, her grief was still so fresh. I believe some of it had to do w/the fact she did have issues she never dealt with. But smart-aleck me thought I'd escape that depth of pain, that sense of loss, having "dealt" with my issues. Yeah. I have - but the wound of loss is still there. The grief. Still with me. I miss you Mom & Dad - but tonight I just cried out for Mommy.
And then I wanted a piece of chocolate cake. Talk about sympathy pains - empathic experience. Mom used food to handle the hurt. I know it's not a good idea. Doesn't really change the facts. Doesn't really make it better. I guess it does work as a pain blocker for a little while. I've done it before, knowing it wasn't going to change anything.
But I wanted some chocolate cake and thought, "why not?" I stopped at a diner in Kinderhook. There was a huge classic car show going on. It didn't entice me. I went in but it was busy and I didn't think they'd accept a credit card for what probably would be less than a $5.00 purchase. I left and stopped at the Hannaford down the road. I wandered up and down the refrigerator aisle until I found the cake. I purchased it and drove home. On the radio a song highlighting nostalgia played, John Mellencamp's "Cherry Bomb." Perfect background music to a chocolate cake binge w/a classic car setting. A little before my time but nostalgia hemmed the night.
I don't know if there's anything to be learned in this "story." Or writing it. Melissa suggested I journal around the discussion from yesterday...the wound, the womb, my "4" characteristics. Didn't think there'd be too much generated but maybe I was wrong. I don't know. I've been told I overanalyze things...I'm too sensitive...I'm shoot, what's the word - don't work hard enough - yea that's it, I don't live up to my potential. I've been trying to all my life. And there was one other thing I realized that had me upset. I don't think I can tell stories anymore. I used to be able to make them up but I haven't done that in a long time.
I can tell about things - like a story - but who cares really? Will it make a difference? I hadn't planned on just writing for myself - telling stories to myself. That was the point of going to the story telling workshop. And wow - missed the first session, missed tonight. Is there something I need to know from this? Can't I pursue anything so that it serves a purpose for the greater good if not my own? I don't know. I just know that the cake tasted good. And I didn't eat tooo much. Just enough.

GS 2009

I don't know if this will show up in the blogs site for GS but I have been happy to "participate" via our current technologies. It it far more interesting to join in the conversations, even if not actually present or a voting member.
Again - I so appreciate the passion and commitment to engage in in-depth discussion on the issues which will affect this particular section of the Body of Christ.
I have posted comments elsewhere so won't repeat here.
I do want to say thank-you to Jay H. for all the great photos. It has helped to make this seem a not so distant event. I have enjoyed seeing many familiar faces - w/the exception of one special one - my Dave. ;)
Peace be with all as you continue your work as those who serve God by serving others.
(Hi to Toni & Gloria & Paul, and ooh I see Kent and ...you get the idea. LOL)

The Way - Here's a model

Check out this community in PA -
The Simple Way

http://www.thesimpleway.org/index2.html


A lot of folks have asked about some of the structures and rhythms that allow us to function as a community. Over the past 10 years, we’ve learned a lot and made plenty of mistakes, and we have now created a little packet to help new folks adjust to life here on Potter Street, sort of decoding some of our common life and expectations. We often liken these structures to the trellis of a garden. You want enough structure to provide stability, so that your tomatoes don’t flop around on the ground and rot. But if you have too much structure it can have the opposite effect, and can suffocate the plants from being free to grow. So this works for us, along with our foundations and functionality. We offer it, not necessarily as something to emulate or copy, but as a resource to look at as you discover what works for your community.

Our Commitments
Our Foundation and Functionality

Our Mission is:
"To Love God. To Love people. To Follow Jesus."
We're giving that our best shot.

The Way

Although life is no longer centered around the C2C ride - I used a picture of the bay off of Atlantic Highlands, NJ for my profile. It's where Dave & I went last year after I returned.
It's hard to believe so many months have passed since that major event and yet it is beginning to fade into the recesses of memory. However, the purpose of the ride exists as real as it ever did responding to the the reality of poverty, the prevalence of injustice, the continuation of a world/creation suffering in spite of an abundance of resources - mental, physical & economic. However, these things are not being used wisely and suffering continues.

I just heard Shane Claiborne again this past Tuesday night. I first heard him last summer when he spoke at the C2C Michigan Rally - one of many service highlighting our efforts and bringing us into communities to share worship & hear the message of how we are all called to respond to the needs of the world by LIVING the gospel, not just preaching or listening to it.

And now, I am once again challenged to respond but am not sure how to do this. While events like the C2C ride have a place and can continue to be a means for responding the ills of this world - it's not something that I at least can live off of - or expect to continue doing. How can I respond now, in the place that God has called me to live, in a way that is effective, meaningful and faithful. I am not sure what is in store for me as I try to respond to this continuing challenge. But I don't believe I am called to respond alone - on my own. I have gifts and graces that are meant to encourage others as we all work together. Yet, I can't just go and live in Philly or elsewhere just because like minded people happen to be there. I am w/Dave and don't see that changing - nor do I want it to. But we aren't living in urban America & rural America also faces suffering and hopelessness. And is also called to discipleship - whatever that looks like in our context. While creation may have "started" in a Garden & may "end" as a City - that isn't where we live. And it can't be all one or the other - can it?

Anyway - I should be writing my sermon. I have the information and the time, but I am filled with excitement & frustration that this drive that is within me has no outlet at least at the moment.

If I had the resources now however, I would buy the farm or some other land, establish a healing center and set it up so that people in need of healing could come and till the soil and plant the seeds and feed the animals and reconnect with creation in a way that so many in the past have found to be healing. But I want it to be a place that people w/out a huge income can come to. For clergy and military personnel and hurting people and even the rejected animals. I want to live THE WAY where we are - NOW!!

Keeping On

So, in order to finish what one starts, one has to complete any number of tasks, which in the completion of them leads to a finished product. If I keep writing,
at the end of this presumably there will a book, a collection of essays, or something that others will get to read - aside from family and/or friends.

As previously indicated, I did finish the ride, I did raise funds that are at this moment being used to support others in need while seeking to end the cycle of poverty and awareness was raised throughout the continent about these issues. Even as I write this, I still find it incomprehensible that people have not been aware of the existence of poverty, the conditions which lead to it, the attempts to address it. And again - I have to acknowledge that there are people who are either unaware of it's existence, in their midst, or believe that due to their financial struggles that they are living in conditions of poverty. If we understand poverty to mean more than a like of money, economic security, then I suppose it's true. For poverty is more than just lack of money in the bank. It's more than not having material necessities although it wouldn't do to minimize the impact this has on people's sense of well-being. However, there is a mental component to the state of poverty which isn't addressed as much. Anyone who has a roof over their heads but believes that their situation is equivilent to that of those who sleep on the streets because they no longer have a roof, is in a mindset of poverty. Fear of losing the house, fear of not paying bills, fear of being destitute does things to people. It robs them of the understanding that 90% of the world's population would feel like millionaires if they had the what most of us in the western world has and takes for granted. It's amazing to me that there are so many of us who have no real understanding of what it means to be truly poor. Does it matter? If you think you live in poverty, then perhaps you do - no matter what the facts of your life indicate otherwise. And then there are the people that a recent article in the AARP bulletin described - people who are out on the street having just recently owned not one but two homes, worth over a million dollars. Not that I think she deserves to be living in her car at this time but I cannot fathom what lead her to believe that she needed two homes. Or two homes worth that much. It's hard for me to conjure up feelings of empathy that tend normally would be almost automatic upon hearing this situation. I know she is suffering, I know that I would not want to live in a car. Why isn't there a place for her, a place she can afford, a place where she can have three square meals a day? I don't know. But the image in my mind of the "townships" Dave & I saw in South Africa, the images of the people of Darfur and the Sudan, and our native American reservations and pockets in the Applachians as contrasted with the home she used to live in, make it hard for me to feel that compassion that I would prefer to think of as automatic and non-judgemental.
But interestingly enough she is keeping on. She is seeking solutions to her problems. She is looking for options. They are there although not at the level they could be in a country which has so many resources but tends not to distribute them equitably.
What do people do when there are no or minimal resources? No water, no wheat. No medical care? How are these situations going to be addressed? Well, at the moment during the countdown to election day, as the candidates stress the need to vote for THEM, I am hearing the "promise" that things will change, that in the future, more people will be able to pay their bills and live the "American Dream". It's what presidential candidates do but is it real? Can one person change the focus of a country enough so that all people will be able to pay bills, own a house and have enough for the periodic vacation? And what about people throughout the world? Don't they also have right to all those things we've been conditioned to believe we have right to? Like oh say - WATER!!! Did you know that in a recent world leader conference - there was actually a discussion as to whether access to water was a right or a privilege? HELLO!?!?! Is that for real? Not that access to water hasn't always been a hallmark of those in power, those who could control a designated geographic/social environment. But when, how did it come to this point that we would seriously discuss the possibility that some people, just because of where they live don't have the same right to drinking water as anyone else in the world. Amazing.
Anyway - the 2.1 million that we raised, while perhaps only a drop in the bucket in the larger picture, will be used to address these issues in the lives of individuals and communities.

Begin Already

So, I rode about 3000 miles on a bike ride. I had originally meant to ride the full 3831 miles - starting in Seattle WA., and ending in Jersey City NJ. I really did. However I ended up not riding the full 3,838 miles. I did accomplish what I intended to accomplish. And according to everyone who hears about the ride, it was a pretty major accomplishment - full ride or no. 3000 miles is nothing to sneeze at yet even now, a full two months since the end of the ride, it hasn't really hit me. I rode my bike, across almost the full country - with a left turn into Canada. I also didn't raise the full $10,000.00 I had hoped to. The total I did raise was just over $8000.00. That's not bad either considering the most money I ever raised in the name of fund-raising was $100.00 in 6th grade. The purpose of that money making event was to sell space in the 1970 year book and the class that raised the most contributions would earn a pizza party. Was in 1970 or '73? I can't remember actually so I might have been in 8th grade but the point is - the thought of raising enough to help our class have a pizza party generated enough effort to actually accomplish that goal. Of course, I didn't do it on my own. I had plenty of help in that mom & dad were teachers in the school district and of course teachers colleagues are great marks to hit up since it's only fair. School employees are almost a guaranteed source of fundraising income since everyone turns to each other for help in this gig. A colleague's kid has to raise money for Girl Scouts and someone else for the ball team so in comes a TON of candy to be distributed and paid for so the machine stays well oiled since we all know that "what goes around, comes around". What comes around is an overdose of sugar and calories and thank goodness that in IS 7 and surrounding schools there were enough stairs to climb throughout the day so that if you planned right, a teacher or aide could get enough exercise to burn off oh say maybe a bag of MnMs.

Anyway - thanks to Mom & Dad and our neighbors at home, some relatives and maybe even some local people that I didn't really know but were acquainted with paid for space in the Elias Bernstein Jr. High School (aka I.S. 7 - not sure why), year book of 1970, or maybe it was 1973 and our class had a pizza party. Funny that it was the promise of food which inspired me as my next major fund-raising effort was to address the issue of not enough food. While I had given some dollars here and some other dollars there throughout the year for poverty related issues, I had never taken on a project of this magnitude. And what was that you ask? It was making a commitment to ride in the largest cross country bike tour ever. The purpose of the ride was to raise funds and awareness of poverty related issues. It was to get people thinking about the sytem which allows people to go hungry and not have a place to sleep - and not be able to work while needing to pay for medical care for self and family. This is a situation which occurs worldwide: in the streets of Haiti and Calcutta, in all the continents of all the world, including in our own back yards. Families known and unknown to us face conditions daily, hourly which many more of us have an option not to address. But we are all called to address the needs of sisters and brothers everywhere - be we Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddist, or any of the other faith systems which help us make sense of this world. And knowing a couple of self-acknowledged atheists, I can say that they too feel a sense of responsibility for the others in this creation who for any number of reasons are not living in a state of even minimal well-being. Of course it would be naive to say that everyone, everywhere cares enough about others to make the necessary changes which would afford everyone access to the necessities of life but this doesn't stop the rest of us from doing what we can to see that change. "Us" being anyone who does whatever they can, in their place in the world, no matter how large or small. That's about the most I like to do with the "us" and "them" dichotomy. Not that I want to lead you to think that I don't appreciate difference. As a matter of fact, I think in our effort to cement together a sense of unity, we minimize, diminish even the notion that we are different, in so many ways from one another. We are both. There seems to be a trend toward ignoring those things that make up our character, our view points, our ways of perceving things in the world. As if we could. As the old line says, if we were all alike, it would be a pretty boring cookie cutter kind of world. But because being different from others has led to such violent and disastrous tendencies, instead of being able to acknowledge and appreciate them, no one wants to point them out. Skin color, ethnicity, cultural tradition and life experience for everyone in this world entails numerous marks of different. It SHOULDN'T MATTER. Sadly, it does. So, intead of being able to address how being different from someone else has led to looking at life a certain way, we just say, "oh, underneath we're really all the same." Well, that's not exactly true, even in individuals who grow up in the same household never mind the same neighborhood. Perhaps instead of saying "we're all the same", we could say, "some of me is different, my hair, my color, my faith tradition but I care about what school my kids are going to or I care that my kids have enough to eat and if you care about those things then we have something in common." Anyway, my concern with the concepts of "us" and "them" is the way it leads to one individual thinking that (s)he has a right to things that another person doesn't. Or the things that make us different lead one group of people to oppress and diminish another group merely for differences in whatever.
"Us" and "them." It often leads to a lot of conflict. It doesn't even have to be a major issue.
Jocks/brains! Druggies/nerds! Stoners/surfers! Oh no - heaven forbid some of us don't do things the way some others of us do. Some of us don't look like others. Some of us don't do as well at whatever as others. Why should it matter? It shouldn't except that it does.

The idea of the ride grew out of members of the Christian Reformed Church in Canada marking a major anniversary 3 years ago. That ride took place within the Canadian borders and about 65 bikers rode. It went ten and a half weeks with the money raised being used to fund new church starts within the CRC. It was successful and enjoyable and enough people thought it was such a good idea that they looked for another opportunity to ride again. Three years and a lot of planning later, the "Sea To Sea Bike Tour- Biking to End the Cycle of Poverty" came together and on Monday, June 30th 144 riders with about 25 support staff left the park at Puget Sound heading east. I am still amazed that I even considered participating in the ride never mind having completed 7/9ths of it. But it made sense for me at the time and I have no regrets about joining the ride and spending a good portion of the summer of 2008 on my butt, on a saddle, (bike seat but bikers call it a saddle - based on the fact that when the bike was first developed, it was made so that riders would throw their right leg over the bike in the same way horse riders would mount a horse). I have no regrets that I huffed and puffed my way up 3,000 mile "inclines". Or that I slept in a tent almost every night but would accept an invitation to sleep in someone's home almost any chance I could. Nor do I regret getting off the saddle and hitching a ride with our support staff in one of the vehicles designated for the purpose of rescuing injured or just plain ol' worn out riders. Had I not been able to take a break as needed, I don't think I would have been able to keep myself going when the going got tough. Although I also know that there was a fair measure of the divine at work keeping my two little legs pedaling when all I really wanted to do was throw myself off of the bike and just lay down out in the field next to whatever road I was on. This was work. Riding a bike when you are a kid is fun. It's a means to get you from point A to point B. Or to show off. But getting from point A to point B out on this ride was more than just traveling for traveling's sake. It was to help others. It was to challenge self. It was to see how a community (in this case, of faith) can maintain their principles and good humor while being unable to avoid the natural pitfalls of spending a lot of time together in somewhat pared down circumstances. We did it even though there was the occasional stepping on of toes. Hey, 150 to 200 people spending pretty much 24/7 for 9 weeks is going to cause some ruffled feathers. But we got through it because no matter what our differences were, we were committed to the same principle, the same cause, - living out our love of others. And that in the end was all that mattered.

Starting My Book

Actually, I've started several writing projects:
Title - "Waiting For The Wren To Come" - poetry
Title - "Band of Gold" - play
Title - Our Story- The Life of Women in Columbia-Greene Classis - research project
Title - "Little Shepherd Boy" - children's book
Title - "I Reached For the Stars, And Caught The Moon" - Sort of autobiographical - with the
C2C bike tour as the backdrop.

Forward: In January, 2008, I read in a church bulletin insert that more riders were being
sought to participate in a cross country bike tour sponsored by the Christian Reformed
Church with the Reformed Church in America. The purpose of this tour was to raise
funds to address and awareness of the issues of poverty in our world. The Christian Reformed Church (CRC) held a similar effort in 2005 to mark their 150th anniversary. The funds raised by that effort supported church starts throughout the North American Continent.
Because of the success of that effort and the desire of others to participate in something similar, the Sea To Sea Tour - Biking to End the Cycle of Poverty was organized. This resulted in the largest cross continent tour to ever take place. When it was completed, over 200 cyclists and approximately 25 support staff journey either some or all of 3831 miles throughout North America. More significantly, over 2.1 million dollars were raised to support mission efforts in the CRC & RCA. The funds raised were to be distributed among these organizations:
In order to ride, each cyclist had to raise either $4000.00, $8,000.00 or $10,000.00 dollars.
Donations continued coming in throughout the summer. Numerous individuals across the country also contributed as we made our way throughout the towns, villages and cities in 8 states and the province of Ontario, CA. Waitresses handed over their tips, diners in small coffee shops and other eateries pulled out their wallets to support the effort when they heard about the tour. Folks in groceries, gas stations and along the roads offered whatever they could to offer a helping hand. These contributions came spontaneously and with heartfelt generosity by people happy to help support such an effort. That doesn't begin to describe the support of the family, friends and "strangers" we met on the way who offered the precious drink of cold water, or held up a home made sign to encourage bikers as we pedaled what sometimes seemed like endless miles. And the cakes, cookies and other fare offered to help us maintain our energy. You cannot imagine the support and encouragement we received by so many others who went out of their way to remind us we were not alone. Additionally, the help we received by our support staff cannot be underestimated or over appreciated. The SAG drivers and "Kitchen Ladies" were part of this rolling, mobile community - a community which was born out of the desire to feed His sheep and share the love of the Lord.

How I got involved in this effort is a story in and of itself but I realized that it was a backdrop to a larger story - the story of

The title came from a saying I heard around the same time that I heard about the trip. I have paraphrased it, I think, because I don't remember the exact phrase. But the concept is pretty clear. While many of us reach for the stars and actually get to grab ahold, sometimes we reach for something and don't get get it. In sharing my intention to participate in the ride, I received mostly encouraging feedback. Mostly but not all. There were a few responses of the "what are you nuts?" kind of question or the ever heartfelt, "better you than me" comment. Of all the people who had something to say only a couple which fell in the negative category. For whatever reason, these people were adamant that this was not something I should participate in. However, their reasons weren't persuasive enough to dissuade me from following through on this decision. I did appreciate when people expressed concern for my well-being as my overall health in general was never in the great shape category. But when people asked, "what if you don't make it", I could and did reply, "well, then I've reached for the stars and caught the moon instead - not a bad deal."

Oct 9, 2008

Pretty straightforward title, eh? I'm trying to become more disciplined about writing on a regular basis - but why in a blog? Why not just in a journal or even a word document?
Maybe because it's the compromise between writing as a writer for myself and writing something in the small hope that one day I'll get around to writing something which I can
then submit for publication. I write knowing that it's possible someone else may read these
entries but also possible that no one else will. Which is fine - as long as I write. Something I've supposedly wanted to do for ages. And not just for me - but with the hope of getting published.
But like they say re: winning the lottery - "you've got to be in it to win it". In order to be published - one has to write - or there will definitely be NO POSSIBILITY of being published. Ok - my credo is somewhere on the shelves of NBTS - I think - but it's not quite what I had in mind. And why is it that some writers can sit and write as if their life depended on it - and others struggle with the chasm between desire intent and intent and follow through.

It's kind of similar to what I experienced while riding on the C2C tour. Many of the riders could get up each morning, eat breakfast and hop on their bikes and just go. And it was never (according to them) something that they struggled with. Riding was just so much fun, so inspiring, so whatever that apparently they didn't ever wake up cringing at the thought of hoping on and going. But for me & I think at least a few others - there were mornings when the thought of getting up and pedaling for the next 5-8 hours was overwhelming. Sometimes tear producing. It's not that I ever stopped liking biking in and of itself. But even though I did manage to get up every morning at least by 6, a miracle, and wanted to fully participate in this thing I committed to doing, I had days when I just didn't know how it would happen. One morning, in the town of Dinosaur, I woke up, after a night of sleep and no particular agenda other than getting to point B from point A that day but found I could not get going. I DID NOT WANT TO GET OUT OF MY TENT. I did not want to get up, get dressed or ride. Now, did I somehow change in the middle of the night to a creature whose heart changed, whose mind changed about this tour and the purpose of the ride? No, I don't believe so. I just was going through a moment in life in which my heart, my mind, my body decided we'd had enough. It was more than I could bear - the thought of riding 1 mile never mind whatever we had to ride that day. But as my friend says in her song - "there is more than what was going on in that moment". I perhaps could not fathom what exactly it was I was feeling in that moment -
but I had to fix my eyes "not on what is seen by what is unseen". If I let myself sucumb to the moment of distress, I would not have moved - the feeling was almost enough to paralyze me - not as I have experienced in say, a PANIC ATTACK - because I wasn't panicky. I was just TIRED, I think. So, in order to get going, I promised myself I would only make myself ride a mile. At least. I'd even aim for 3 miles but after that I wasn't going to make myself go any further. And I had to allow myself that leeway or else I would not have left the haven of the tent. And so I got up, got dressed, had breakfast, got my gear put together to go on the truck and I swung my leg over the saddle and started peddling. And in interesting thing happened. After 3 miles, I thought I might make it another 2 or 3 at least. At that point another rider, Ad, rode up beside me. It's funny because on this particular day, Ad decided that he wasn't in any particular hurry and asked if he could join me. I responded the way I always did - that he was more than welcome to ride alongside but he was welcome to go on at any point if he decided that he wanted to speed it up. Speed became somewhat of an issue during the tour and it could be a struggle trying to keep up with others - even when they offered to slow down. For the most part - it would work for a while but then the bikers with more stamina, energy, whatever would find that the slow pace just didn't work for them. I personally didn't have too much of a problem with that but it did get discouraging now and then or more to see people passing, passing, passing on their way to the next stopover. Now, it's easy to say that comparing ourselves with others isn't necessary or helpful or even what God wants us to do. Which is true. If God called "Me", to ride, God called me as I am, not as I should or even would like to be. God called me and uses me with all that I am and all that I have to offer in service. But, I would like to be more physically fit and always have wanted to be. I've worked out, I've gone to gyms, I've exercised on and off my whole life and no matter what - I don't improve after a certain point. So, while I didn't have to keep up with others - I would have liked to so that I could take my time later in the day to keep up with blogging, or to go to a local store, hang-out whatever and just be part of the larger group. Or even a smaller one. So, sometimes, on rare occasions it happened but for the most part, I would, with the support of one or two or maybe 3 others who weren't in a hurry that day, get to our overnight site more towared the end of the day - rather than earlier.
Do I feel less of a person? Does God or anyone else love me less? No!! I'm not less than anyone else although I might want to be better at the fitness thing. Certainly God would not love me less - or more - than any other rider. And in fact - it was quite a reminder that God uses us in our weakness moreso than using our strengths to work in us. We are so caught up in our culture to worship strength!!! Physical, emotional, spiritual - that we forget that God's work is with the weak, the poor, the marginalized. Our strengths very often can get in the way of God's purpose - we sucumb to an "oh, look what I did kind of thinking and forget to say look how God uses me. Certainly it's not a sin to recognize our strengths and capabilities and use them - but we can't eliminate or ignore the way God uses the weaknesses of our lives, our personalities to show us how great God is - and what can be accomplished when we remember that it IS ALL ABOUT GOD!!

Anyway - for the bikers who didn't want to ride everyday, all the way - but did, with or without support - amen. I commend you and I appreciate that you probably have an idea of what it was like that one morning when I couldn't do the whole day's ride. I did end up riding 18 miles - to the first SAG stop of the day - COREY - YAYY COREY. I had a snack and then got in his van and fell asleep for like 3 hours. Then we rode on and at some point I did get out and finish the ride for that day on my bike. As the tour progressed, there were a lot of days such as that one. I'd start out on the bike, ride for a while, then get a ride in a SAG and then finish the day off on my bike. It was the style - the pattern - the recipe that worked for me. Toward the end of the ride - I had more days when I could ride the whole day - every mile - even if it took longer than most. Right now I'm riding almost every day of the week - but not more than 20 miles in one day. And it's getting harder, not easier to keep it up. Why? I want to stay in shape - the physical part of it should be showing improvement but I don't seem to be. It's weird.

I really did learn that I had to and continue to have to trust that inner voice - that inner knowing that when I make a choice, a decision to do or not something, it is because I am allowing God to lead me. To the outside world, it may not make sense, but I know that I know what I know and I have to trust that. I don't do this in a vacuum as I am in conversation with Dave and others about other possibilities but I trust that my relationship with the Divine is ongoing and real so that I can trust that today's choices are part of an overall plan for my life and my life in the context of the greater world around me. I know that when I took days off during the ride and when I took the 2 weeks off to come home they were so the right choices - for me. I wasn't quitting as someone asked me one day. I wasn't giving up. I was pacing myself for the long run - the run that continues after the bike tour. If I had really pushed myself - I might have collapsed - physically or emotionally and who knows what that would have meant. Of course there seems to still be an awareness and acceptance of physical needs moreso than mental/emotional. We applaud people for getting physically injured but we dismiss those whose wounds we can't (or won't) see. We decide that if "I can do thus and such", then so should someone else be able to. Our ability & willingness to judge what others do - or what we think they should do is so arrogant. Hey, I'm guilty of it myself. I know how hard it is to overcome childhood wounds - and the control we can feel throughout the years but I will say things like, "it's time for so and so to take responsibility for his/her life." Yes, it may be true - but not everything is revealed to each of us in the same way. How on earth can I say that "he should just move on (this isn't in relation to the loss of a loved on) when I still am working on issues which hang me up. Now, it's interesting that I don't say that about people who are in grief about the loss of a loved one - but grief generated by other kinds of loss they should be able to move past. I guess it's watching how others allow the wounds of the past to continue to control them so that they don't get to grow and move forward using their full potential for life. They are in their weakness - which God can use - but I guess the question is - do they let God do that for/with them?

Anyway - I think the next entry should be some pictures. I have to put together a CD with highlights from the trip as I will be doing some presentations in the next couple of weeks about it - and it'd be nice to have pictures to show. A power point presentation is what I'm going to try working on. No, I'm going to work on it - hopefully it will come together.

One more note - the wooly bears are out all over the place. I have seen plenty while riding around and the other day saw an all black one. It was beautiful. Fall is truly here and it's a great season.